Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I have complete contempt for traitorism

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I see through liars

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

How long will it take Christian president-elect Donald J. Trump to restore our nation's moral values?

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

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Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

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I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I have a reading level above third grade

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I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Why did you put a guy’s dick in your mouth the first time?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

What is it like to date a women 20 years younger than yourself?

I actually pay taxes

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

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I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I can count

I can read

How will Israelis respond to someone claiming that anti-Zionism is not anti-Semitism, in the same way as anti-feminism not being misogyny and opposing same-sex marriage not being homophobia?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

If you were a writer for HBO, how would you rewrite the final season of Game of Thrones?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”